Monday, December 31, 2007

Travel Privacy Tip: Strategies for the Vented Louver Bathroom Door

An ex loved to stay at the Fairmont Miramar in Santa Monica. The hotel is certainly gorgeous but -- and, perhaps, I am overly self-conscious -- beware the vented louver bathroom doors.

What is a vented louver door? Here is a definition from door dealer site: "Vented louver doors permit air flow and passage, making them ideal for applications like closets and laundry rooms where ventilation is preferred. This promotes some visibility through the door on the non-blind side."

Yes, ideal for applications like closets and laundry rooms, but not so much for posh hotel rooms presumably created to set romantic moods. All the fluffy down comforters and ocean views will not disguise the personal business being conducted in the bathroom. What to do in this travel situation?

You have a couple of strategies in the vented louver bathroom bathroom door quandary:

The Hotel Lobby Bathroom Approach: This strategy is 100% effective and can completely avoid an open and honest discussion of the vented louver bathroom door situation. However, it is often difficult to implement without potentially uncomfortable and probing questions and/or if you have had far too much to drink the night before and distance to the bathroom is an issue.

The "God Save the Queen" Tactic (Plus Perfume Blast Supplement): Ultimately, after several stays at the Miramar, this became my chosen strategy. I couldn't come up with any new reasons as to why I needed to leave the room and, with the truth-inducing services of too much wine, I explained my discomfort with the vented louver bathroom doors. It was thusly agreed that whenever one of us was in the bathroom, the other would remain on the far side of the room while both singing (rather loudly) "God Save the Queen". Success with this tactic is not dependent on "God Save the Queen", per se. Entirely song optional. Perfume Blast Supplement should be self-explanatory.

Unfortunately, the "God Save the Queen" tactic was only implemented a few more times as I was unceremoniously, errr, dumped a short time later (as foreshadowed in the beginning of this entry). However, I do not attribute the break-up to the vented louver bathroom tactic.

-- Clear Plastic Bag

haiku for you

"Job - The Reason We Travel"

Two thousand and eight
another year in a cube
working for the dude

--- Travel Monkey Julie

Travel Monkey Kim is on board and previewing her travel future posts

The travel blog has great possibilities. I can certainly step up with an oldie but a goodie -- Gatlinburg, TN -- mountains, hot tubs, and bears oh my.

In the alternative, I am quite sure there are single gals everywhere who want to know whether to stay in The Hampton Inn, The Holiday Inn, The Quality Inn, The Comfort Inn etc. in Canton, MS. It's so darn hard to choose when they are all right there in a row. Decisions, decisions. The key is knowing which one is closest to the Western Sizziln.

A quick look into the future (but never too far) reveals a travel adventure to Chatanooga in January for a bed & breakfast weekend get away with the Boyfriend. He grew up there and wants me to "see his old haunts" and "meet his brother and some old friends." Let's not start asking why or we will be here all day pondering the weirdness of men. I expect to come away with all sorts of tips for the unwary gal traveler and with relationship disasters one right after another. I am envisioning "Real Travel with the Boyfriend: The Non-Romantic Side of the Bed and Breakfast World." The only thing that concerns me is the directive from the Bed and Breakfast that we cannot, under any circumstances, have the following in our suite -- red wine, rose petals, candles. Well, what the hell are we gonna do, now I ask you?

Or I may write up the travel to Arkansas by 10 hour car. That whole painting lines in the road in the backwoods of the Ozarks while millions of cars back up for days and days should make for fine tell'n as well as our trip down the road from hell. The whole experience cries out for a sermon on the evils of Mapquest. Oh, and then there was stopping at the church to figure out where in the hell we were only to have another car pull in behind us driven by a lone white male in his thirties (as most serial killers are). I believe Travel Monkety Julie inquired, "What is he doing?" and I replied, "He is going to kill us."

I must, of course, give directions for how to get to the hotel in Eureka Springs. You take a left, and a right, and another right, you put your left leg in, you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around . . . that's what it's all about.

Suffice it to say, I see prime read'n and writ'n coming at you from the far and near corners of the world. Ladies - join me.

Travel Monkey Kim

enough with the beta phase

Let's start with our travel entries, monkeys?

Friday, December 21, 2007

note to men with rottweilers

why are rottweilers and pit bulls the only dogs who are walked without leashes? yorkie? leash. chihuahua? leash. lab? check. only men with rottweilers and pit bulls hit the road leash-less. hey dude - feeling a little weak, feminine, damsel-in-distress-esque? buy a pit bull and no one will know! your insecurities are showing (and drooling); do us a favor and at least get them on a leash.