Travel Privacy Tip: Strategies for the Vented Louver Bathroom Door

An ex loved to stay at the Fairmont Miramar in Santa Monica. The hotel is certainly gorgeous but -- and, perhaps, I am overly self-conscious -- beware the vented louver bathroom doors.

What is a vented louver door? Here is a definition from door dealer site: "Vented louver doors permit air flow and passage, making them ideal for applications like closets and laundry rooms where ventilation is preferred. This promotes some visibility through the door on the non-blind side."

Yes, ideal for applications like closets and laundry rooms, but not so much for posh hotel rooms presumably created to set romantic moods. All the fluffy down comforters and ocean views will not disguise the personal business being conducted in the bathroom. What to do in this travel situation?

You have a couple of strategies in the vented louver bathroom bathroom door quandary:

The Hotel Lobby Bathroom Approach: This strategy is 100% effective and can completely avoid an open and honest discussion of the vented louver bathroom door situation. However, it is often difficult to implement without potentially uncomfortable and probing questions and/or if you have had far too much to drink the night before and distance to the bathroom is an issue.

The "God Save the Queen" Tactic (Plus Perfume Blast Supplement): Ultimately, after several stays at the Miramar, this became my chosen strategy. I couldn't come up with any new reasons as to why I needed to leave the room and, with the truth-inducing services of too much wine, I explained my discomfort with the vented louver bathroom doors. It was thusly agreed that whenever one of us was in the bathroom, the other would remain on the far side of the room while both singing (rather loudly) "God Save the Queen". Success with this tactic is not dependent on "God Save the Queen", per se. Entirely song optional. Perfume Blast Supplement should be self-explanatory.

Unfortunately, the "God Save the Queen" tactic was only implemented a few more times as I was unceremoniously, errr, dumped a short time later (as foreshadowed in the beginning of this entry). However, I do not attribute the break-up to the vented louver bathroom tactic.

-- Clear Plastic Bag