Snores on a Plane or How the Cusack Method Didn’t Work But Hopefully Bananas Will

I simply cannot sleep on planes. This is not to say I haven’t done the head-bob-back-with-snore-choke maneuver, particularly on return flights from Vegas. But on Transatlantic flights, when the lights dim and everyone snuggles beneath their germy blue blankets, I am wide awake, fretfully praying for a sleep that never comes.

Other than the occasional over-the-counter pain reliever, I try and avoid pills (keeping wine as my primary drug of choice). However, before a trip to London the first week of September 2001, I read an interview with John Cusack and, as I recall, the question of whether he sleeps on planes came up. He said, yes, and that his secret was Excedrin PM (again, this is as I recall, so if I am incorrect, John Cusack, please, by all means, call me and we’ll discuss over a romantic dinner). So, relying on all things Cusack, I dutifully took an Excedrin PM. While I did not fall asleep on the plane, I was incredibly drowsy and bleary-eyed for the business meeting I had two hours after landing, so I had that going for me.

As we all know, that next week of September 2001 forever changed all things travel. Personally, I vowed to stay awake and vigilant on all flights. If you're sleeping, my friend, you’re sleeping with the terrorists!

But that was seven years ago and I need to sleep.

The Cusack Method having failed, I researched “natural” alternatives. I know many swear by melatonin supplements but, as I discovered, there are a small percentage of us who have adverse reactions to melatonin. In my case, it produced tiny men with razor-sharp machetes slashing and hacking at the interior of my stomach. Doing additional research, I came across a wealth of fantastic ideas such as “turn off the overhead light” and “upgrade to business or first class”.

Oh, how I longed for the simplicity of a Cusack (a Cusack that worked).

But, then, I happened upon a Los Angeles Times article with a few truly interesting suggestions (looking past the revolutionary “fasten your seatbelt”). For my upcoming Transatlantic flight, I plan to follow the Times’ tips and do the following:

+ Eat bananas, which the Times articles describes as “practically a sleeping pill in a peel”.

+ Eat a handful of “snooze-inducing” almonds.

+ Eat a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread which “may be one of the best sleep inducers in the sky.”

Granted, I may be popping out of my pants by the time I reach Europe, but hopefully I’ll be asleep and won’t care. Before I doze off, I’ll make sure I’m tastefully covered by my germy blue blanket.

-- Clear Plastic Bag